Today I want to talk about something that is in my eyes very important – for all interactions with other human beings.
People are different.
I notice more and more that it is not that simple to understand, not for everybody.
When I look at this world I see many, many people that do not seem to understand that we are all different. People have individual dreams, goals, wishes, experiences, fears and the list goes on. We human beings are similar in many ways yet not in all. One simple example for this is ideologies –
since the dawn of time, human beings fight over what they believe is the solution, what they believe is right and true. And it is right and true – but only in their own, personal world.
everything we encounter in life is experienced based on our own individual understanding, our own reality
– how we experience things is determined by our past experiences and the personality traits that are given to us by our DNA.
What seems harmless to you can be highly triggering and therefore damaging to the person next to you. What seems unnecessary and meaningless to you can mean the world to somebody else. What brings you joy can be torture for someone else.
There are people that are born super compassionate and with a high sense of justice but there are also people who struggle with these things and need to learn them. Just like some people are better at maths than sports. And the differences do not stop in taste or talents, they continue in how we deal with agony and how we heal.
What I wished people understood is that basically everybody thinks what works for them, will work for the rest – and that this is a misconception.
When you suffer from heartbreak, trauma, depression and other “conditions” people are quick to tell you how long you will need to heal, what you need to do to heal and in general what the solution to your problem is. Little do they know that each healing path (and it doesn’t matter what causes you agony) is different.
Every person heals differently.
Some never heal at all. Some lose their fights against the demons in their heads and some live with them their whole lives. Some exist but stop living. Some seem to overcome every battle easily. Some heal faster than others. Some need more time. We are all individuals and therefore our paths are highly individual.
We human beings tend to oversimplify complex topics to make things easier and forget that many things cannot be simplified, simply because we human beings are complex ourselves.
There is not ONE way. There are many ways and many solutions and everybody has to find something that works for them. And this gets me to the point that is very important to me for you to understand:
If a person you care about suffers, do not judge. Offer solutions but understand that it’s possible that your personal solution will not be the right one for the other person. Do not judge on how quickly or slowly the person heals. Be compassionate. Do not just try to see things from the other’s perspective – try to feel things from the other person’s perspective.
The key to helping others and to understanding is not taking the other perspective and seeing things from there, the key lays in feeling from the other perspective, in real empathy that paves the way for compassion.
To make the opposite clear: People that are told to not have feelings, like sociopaths, are able to take your perspective. Otherwise, they would not be able to be masters of manipulation. Emotionally abusive people can see things from your view and they do – the difference is that they do not feel like you do. They know it causes you pain but they
cannot feel the pain with you. They rather feast your agony, it amuses them (that’s why it is highly important to cut people like this out of your life!).
So, if you want to be able to help other souls to suffer less, to be a good friend, to be there for them, it is important to not only try to see things from their perspective but also to feel with them.
If you do that, it is easier to understand. If you understand, it is easier to stay away from judgment and to offer your genuine support. If you feel with your beloved ones it will be easier for you to offer solutions that might be the right ones for that particular person. You will still see things from the outside but that can actually make it easier to be rational and objective.
So, today I want you to question your own conceptions of the world.
Challenge yourself to be more creative in handling interactions with other souls. For compassion, you need creativity and communication. That’s why it’s so important for children to play and to be able to have their own phantasies instead of putting them in front of a screen.
Through phantasy, role plays and creativity, human beings can learn to be more
compassionate and therefore to understand others better and stay away from judgment.
If you have any further questions or comments, do not hesitate to express them.
PS: If the difference between empathy and compassion is not clear to you, here you can find it well explained.